


The Brave Die Young

by DashFlintceschi



Series: Illnesses/Disabilities Alphabet Challenge [2]
Category: You Me At Six
Genre: Insecure Josh, M/M, Worried boyfriend Dan, sick!Josh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 21:49:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1703759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DashFlintceschi/pseuds/DashFlintceschi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Did you know it’s possible for men to have breast cancer?” He asks vacantly, and Dan starts to feel light-headed.</p><p>“God, no, please tell me it’s not,” he whimpers, but Josh seems not to hear him.</p><p>“Apparently, one in a thousand men will have it at some point in their lives,” he continues, still staring blankly at Dan. No, not at him, through him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Brave Die Young

**Author's Note:**

> I was planning a story about Josh having cancer, then I decided that, since most people don't seem to know that men can have breast cancer, it would be a good idea to turn the story into a PSA.

When Josh goes to the doctor about the painful, purple and black lump on his chest, just beside his left nipple, the last thing he expects the doctor to say is ‘breast cancer’.

“But, that’s impossible, I’m a guy, I don’t have breasts!” He insists, dread rising in him at the sympathetic look the doctor gives him.

“Actually, all men have a small amount of breast tissue behind the nipples, and, though it is much rarer than female breast cancer, it is possible for men to develop breast cancer, around one in every one thousand men will develop breast cancer at some point in their lives,” he explains, and Josh slumps slightly as he realises there hasn’t been a mistake, he has cancer.

When Josh gets back to the house he shares with his band mates, it’s with a date for surgery and a feeling of shock. He drops down onto the couch, barely even registering the presence of his friends and his boyfriend.

“How’d it go at the doctor? They were giving you the results of that lump, weren’t they?” Dan asks, getting slightly worried at the blank look Josh gives him.

“Did you know it’s possible for men to have breast cancer?” He asks vacantly, and Dan starts to feel light-headed.

“God, no, please tell me it’s not,” he whimpers, but Josh seems not to hear him.

“Apparently, one in a thousand men will have it at some point in their lives,” he continues, still staring blankly at Dan. No, not at him, through him.

He jumps slightly as Matt crouches down in front of him, taking his hands gently.

“The doctor said you have breast cancer?” He asks softly, and Josh nods as it finally hits him, the tears welling up.

“I’ve to get surgery next week to remove the cancer, then I’ve to go back and see him after I’ve recovered from the surgery, there’s two treatments, a long term course of hormone therapy, to stop the cancer coming back, or chemo. He wants to talk about which one would work best,” he tells them through the tears, leaning into Dan as he moves over beside Josh and clings to him desperately.

“How advanced is it?” Dan whimpers, burying his face into Josh’s hair and sobbing.

“He said I was lucky. If the lump hadn’t been painful, I wouldn’t have been worried enough to get it checked, and they wouldn’t have found it so quickly. It’s only stage one, and it hasn’t spread, so the chances of a full recovery are really high,” Josh murmurs, and Dan sighs, his fear fading ever-so-slightly at the knowledge that he’s most likely not going to lose the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

Josh spends the next week in a shocked daze, which none of them can blame him for, which is why they don’t mind doing almost everything for him. The four of them are with him when the doctors sedate him to take him for surgery, and they’re there when he wakes up. He’s sore and dizzy, but he doesn’t care as he sees Dan sitting as close to the bed as possible, one hand gripping his tightly as the other cards through Josh’s hair.

“Hey, angel. The surgeon said it went perfectly, they got all the cancer and they’re positive you’re going to be fine,” Dan tells him softly, and Josh smiles sleepily at him.

“I knew it would, your dad told me,” he murmurs, and Dan frowns.

“Baby, my dad’s dead, remember?” He tells him, assuming the morphine has made Josh confused.

“I know, but he was there, right before they put me under, he told me everything was going to be fine, and that I had to keep fighting, because you need me too much for me to give in,” Josh tells him, barely finishing his sentence before he drifts off to sleep.

“It was probably the sedatives messing with his head. Can’t do any harm, though, if it keeps him going,” Max comments quietly, and Dan nods in agreement, still watching Josh sleep with worry in his eyes.

When Josh goes to see his GP after he’s recovered from surgery, the doctor’s already made up his mind.

“When deciding when to recommend chemo, we look at several factors, and you come under two of those. If a patient is young, and the tumour is larger than two centimetres, we tend to recommend chemo, and as you are only twenty-three, and your tumour was 3.5 centimetres, I believe the best course of action would be a round of chemo, followed by six weeks of radiotherapy,” the doctor announces, and all Josh can do is nod. He has no idea about any of this stuff, so if the doctor thinks it’s the best idea, he’s not in any position to argue.

When Josh starts chemo the next week, he knows it’s going to make him feel like shit, but he had no idea it would make him feel this bad. Dan goes with him for support, and when they’re driving the three miles home from the hospital, Josh makes it nine times he has to get Dan to stop at the side of the road so he can vomit violently. By the time they get home, Josh can barely stand on his own, and Dan has to almost carry him into the house. Dan’s beyond grateful when he gets to the living room and discovers that Chris has made a nest of blankets and pillows on the couch for Josh, while Matt’s just emerged from the kitchen with a mug of ginger tea, and Max is waiting for Josh with a packet of dry crackers. Once they get him settled, he nibbles on the crackers and sips the tea for a few minutes, mumbles a ‘thank you’, then falls asleep, Dan only just catching the half full mug as it slips from Josh’s slack fingers.

When Josh wakes up and finds large clumps of his hair lying on the pillow a few days later, he locks himself in the bathroom and shaves it all off, sobbing softly to himself as he does. Once it’s all off, he stares at himself in the mirror a while longer, sobbing the whole time. He actually looks sick, now, and he fucking hates it. At least before, he could pretend everything was fine, but now, it’s staring him right in the face, and he can’t ignore it anymore. He stays there, staring at his reflexion and crying, until there’s a knock on the door.

“You gonna be long in there, mate? I’m about to piss myself,” Max calls through the door, and Josh quickly wipes his face free of tears and opens the door.

“Yeah, sorry, s’all yours,” he mumbles, going to move around Max to get to the stairs, but Max puts his hand on Josh’s arm to stop him.

“You look good with your hair short,” he compliments, but Josh just scoffs disbelievingly and walks away.

As his treatment continues, Josh only feels worse about how he looks. The hair loss was bad enough, but the nausea continues all the way through his treatment, so by the time he finishes his last load of chemo, he’s emaciated and his skin looks yellow and waxy. He’s glad he only had the one round of chemo. He never says it out loud, but he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t have survived any more than he did. He’s spent the last few weeks researching radiotherapy, and thankfully, from what he can tell, it won’t make him feel anywhere near as horrific as the chemo did.

The others continue to worry about him until about a week and a half after he finishes chemo. All through Josh’s treatment, Dan’s been giving him a full plate when he makes dinner each night, letting Josh pick at it and eat however little he wants. Almost every night, he’d manage a few mouthfuls, then push it away with a sickened look on his face, and on the nights he didn’t, he just couldn’t face eating at all. That’s why it’s such a surprise to them when, this night, he yanks the plate from Dan’s hand as he goes to sit it in front of him, and starts shovelling food into his mouth.

“You alright there, J?” Chris asks, and Josh nods, not even looking up as he continues shoving as much food as he can into his mouth.

“Yeah, I’m just fucking starving,” he mumbles through a full mouth, missing the relieved grin Dan gives him as he sits down beside Josh with his own plate.

Over the next few days, Josh seems like his old self again as he starts steadily regaining the weight he lost, and his hair starts growing back as baby-fine fuzz. This is why, a few days before Josh is due to start radiotherapy, Dan chances his luck. Josh is getting ready for bed as Dan comes over to him, kissing him slowly as he slides his hands under Josh’s t-shirt. Dan thinks he’s in luck as Josh responds, but as soon as Josh feels Dan’s hands on his sides, he pushes his hands off and backs away.

“We can have sex if you want, but the t-shirt stays on,” Josh insists, and Dan smiles indulgently.

“Baby, you know I don’t care if you have scars, you don’t have to hide from me,” he reminds him softly, and Josh shrugs.

“I know. It may not bother you, but it bothers me. They took the nipple away as well, and it looks weird without it, and there’s a weird dent along the middle of the pec, where they took the breast tissue out,” he mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest, as if he’s scared Dan might be able to see through his t-shirt.

Dan closes the gap between them and kisses Josh again, this time only going near his t-shirt to move it out of the way, so he can grip Josh’s hips as he leads him over to the bed. Dan takes it slow and gentle, partly because Josh is still so frail and Dan’s terrified of hurting him, but mostly because, for Dan, it’s not about getting off, it’s about showing Josh how desperately he loves him. Josh doesn’t mind, though, arching himself up to press against Dan as he moans softly, rolling his hips up to meet Dan’s at the same slow pace. Josh has never told Dan how much feeling Dan’s breath against his neck turns him on, so it’s a surprise to Dan when Josh whines that he’s close. Between Dan’s harsh pants against his neck, and the fact that it’s been months since Josh has let Dan near him, Josh is seconds away from cumming long before he normally would. Dan nods to let Josh know he’s heard, keeping his pace, but going slightly harder, so it’s barely seconds later when Josh arches against him, cumming in thick ropes across both their stomachs.

Dan pulls out as soon as Josh finishes, rolling off of him and grabbing his own cock, tightening his grip until it’s almost unbearable and starts thrusting his hips up into his hand fast and hard. He whimpers and turns to Josh with desperate eyes as Josh grabs Dan’s wrist to stop him, but all Josh does is give him a grin.

“Tell me when you’re close,” he demands, letting go of Dan’s wrist when he nods. Dan starts up again before Josh’s fingers have even left his wrist, moaning desperately over and over, Josh’s name slipping out more than once. He waits until he’s teetering right on the very edge of his orgasm before he gasps out ‘close’, and Josh quickly pushes Dan’s hand away, quickly replacing it with his mouth before Dan can protest. All Josh has to do is suck slightly and swirl his tongue around the head, and Dan’s cumming with a choked moan of Josh’s name, fingers pressed to the back of Josh’s neck to keep his head still. Josh keeps sucking and swirling his tongue until Dan slumps against the bed with a satisfied groan, watching Josh through half lidded eyes as he lets Dan’s softening cock slide from his mouth, swallowing obscenely as he crawls up the bed to curl into Dan’s side.

When Dan and Josh get home from Josh’s first session of radiotherapy, Dan’s struck with déjà vu. Chris is just finishing making a nest of blankets and pillows on the couch, Matt wanders out of the kitchen and hands Josh a mug of tea, normal tea this time, white with half a sugar, just the way Josh likes it, and Max is sitting next to Chris’ nest, holding a small jar out to Dan.

“Aloe Vera, it’s supposed to help with the skin irritation,” he explains as Dan takes it from him. Josh settles gratefully into his nest, sipping his tea, but he freezes when Dan tries to unbutton the loose checked shirt he’s wearing.

“J, you know we don’t care if you don’t look ‘normal’, please, just let up help,” Dan pleads, and after he hesitates for a few seconds, Josh nods and moves his arms out of the way, allowing Dan to unbutton his shirt and pull the front out of the way. He tenses as his left pectoral is exposed, but Max scoffs.

“You were worried about us seeing that, seriously? Yeah, it looks a little odd with no nipple, but it’s not that bad,” he insists, and Josh deflates slightly in relief as the others make noises of agreement.

“I think it looks horrible, I guess I just assumed everyone else would, too,” he explains softly, looking up at Dan with apologetic eyes. Dan just smiles reassuringly and starts rubbing Aloe Vera into Josh’s pink, slightly irritated chest.

The radiotherapy goes much easier. Admittedly, 99% of the time, Josh can barely move due to the agonising, florid red, blistered skin on his chest. Josh can deal with that, though, because he has no nausea, his hair is still slowly growing back, and he gets Dan’s gentle hands rubbing various soothing creams and pastes onto his chest several times a day, which, while painful, relaxes him more than he’ll admit.

A fortnight after his last radiotherapy session, Josh wanders into the kitchen, fighting to open an envelope as he blows his fringe from his eyes. He’d been ridiculously happy the week before when he realised his hair had started to look like hair again, rather than fuzz. He finally gets the envelope open as he takes the mug of tea Chris hands him as he passes. He wriggles the letter out and scans it quickly, barely managing to sit his mug on the counter as his eyes go wide and his hands start shaking.

“J? You alright, mate?” Max asks, eyeing him worriedly.

“I-it’s from the hospital,” he whispers hoarsely, and all of their attention is instantly on him.

“What’s it say?” Dan asks softly, fear rising in his chest, Josh’s reaction doesn’t seem like it’s anything good.

“I’m officially in remission,” he breathes, the letter fluttering out of his grasp. Dan jumps up and grabs it as it sails to the floor, scanning it quickly.

“You’re in remission. You’re in remission!” Dan laughs, grabbing Josh around the waist and lifting him, spinning him as he laughs happily.

As they celebrate, Josh can’t help but think that there’s still a chance the cancer could come back later. He pushes it from his mind, though. He won’t let it bother him right now, for now, he’s healthy.


End file.
